Real but not
by Maige
Summary: I became insane, with long intervals of sanity. -Edgar Allen Poe. One shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland

Claimer: But I do own myself. :/

Please read until the end. Because I don't want anyone getting confused and they didn't read the whole thing so they bash me for 'THIS STORY AIN'T ALICE IN WONDERLAND FOO'.

Yes, I like to think ahead for someone my age. C:

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_Insane people are always sure they're fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit they're crazy._

- Nora Ephron

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The only sound in the room was the clickety-clack of fingers flying over the keyboard and her deep breathing, hitching a bit every now and then.

Her girlfriend had just left her for a guy in their class. She had claimed that it was her mother who had forced her do so, since her mother was always against them being together, but oh she knew otherwise. She knew that her girlfriend was just playing with her feelings, as smoothly as she could play the flute. The girl chewed her bottom lip hard until it drew blood, as the good memories of watching her play the flute flew threw her head. She could swore that the sweet melody of the song 'Wind' pass lightly through her ears.

"No," the girl muttered lightly, tapping her index finger lightly on the wooden-desk. "I mustn't think of that right now."

Yet she couldn't help her mind flow back to the horrible memories of yesterday. There was crying coming from her as her former girlfriend tried to console her, but the crying turned into full-out screaming. Arms lashed out everywhere and soon she gave her girlfriend a bloody nose, causing her girlfriend to start crying, yelling over and over 'STOP STOP!'. Then she went into sudden and unsettling calmness. She stood in front of her girlfriend with the eyes of a murderer. But, she did no more. She simply walked away and to her house.

This feeling came within her sometimes (the feeling of _insanity_) but this time it simply erupted.

She had been to the hospital once for being mentally ill, and it had been absolute hell. So, instead of taking out her craziness on others, she would take out on her stories. Her mother and father worried over the goriness and the mental psychotic-ness of her stories. Whenever she was done a chapter, she would show it to her parents. They would smile and say it was very creative, but she could see right through them. Totally transparent.

.

When she would write her stories, the girl would just plunge into them, head-first and eyes wide open. She would let the darkness of her mind envelop her with open arms, leaning back into their hug happily. It was pure bliss; much better than cross-cutting at her wrists, or just sitting and feeling bad for herself, thoughts of suicide going through her mind.

Which is where she was right now. The doctors said she had a very good mental control. Yet whenever she wrote her stories, her mind (at least the sane part) would slip away, no matter how hard the grasp she had on it. Sometimes she didn't even try; giving up was so much easier.

So, she would do this for some months, but then it seemed the next phase of her insanity arrived.

That was when the voices started to fill her head.

Voices that weren't real, but they seemed to be.

_'There was a fire-next door, didn't you see the fire-trucks came? You're mom made a big fuss; thinking that your cousins were there'_

The girl sighed heavily as the voice came. This wasn't really the time; she was almost done the chapter. "Please go away. I'm not in the mood at the moment. You saw what happened earlier, I am sure?" Her hands went back to flying over the keyboard as her eyes scanned over the computer; the only light emitting in the whole room. Suddenly she felt as if someone softly kissed her cheek; as light as a feather.

_'Oh, don't need to be like that dearie_,' another voice, laced lightly by a English accent, murmured. The voice sounded like it was exactly behind the chair she was sitting in. She frowned tightly, wishing they would just leave her alone already.

Another voice came from beside her. It was a girl's voice; no older than her._'Remember what I said...hanging. The fastest way to kill yourself, just in case if you decide to change your mind about your life.'_

The girl sighed once more. "Just please be quiet. You're breaking my concentration." She stopped a moment from typing and rubbed her temples softly.

_'Well, sorry. You're 13. You should be much more...kid-like_,' another voice, a older woman's voice heaved. This voice was breathing heavily, as if she just came back from a 10-mile run.

She rolled her eyes. "I do act like a kid sometimes. And it's really none of your business. That really had nothing to do with the current topic.I'm just trying to write this. If you won't go away, just go in the corner and talk amongst yourselves. I really want to write this."

The voices seemed to go away from a moment, which was a silence that she cherished until the next thing happened. The voices which have been her friends since what seemed forever finally appeared. Yet it didn't surprise her one bit.

A grin that lasted forever shined up at her. The owner of that smile was a small purple cat, small-black lines running throughout him. His ears twitched lightly as he stared up at her with dull eyes. The oddest thing about him was he was translucent. The computer could be seen right through him.

She could feel the breath of someone behind her creeping down her throat. The girl didn't have to turn to know that a man with a top hat and a insane look in his eyes was standing behind her. She also didn't have to turn her eyes from the computer to know a girl with long blond hair and a machete, and a over-weight woman with body-part accessories was standing on either side of her. They were all translucent.

"So it seems you finally showed yourselves," she mumbled lightly, going to back to typing, loving the sound it makes.

"Oh dearie, you know we care about you," the man in the hat cooed, wrapping his arms around her neck.

"That is true," the cat muttered, his eyes floating around in their sockets. He jumped into her lap.

"Indeed," the fat woman agreed, also wrapping her arms around the girl. She smelled of rotting corpses.

The other girl didn't say anything, but she lightly wrapped her arms around the girl as well. Her long blond hair fell over her face. Their embraces felt just like the kisses; they were feather light, as if they weren't there.

Yet that was true. They weren't there. The only one in the room was MsMcMorbid, surrounded by figments of her imagination; the Chesire Cat, the Mad Hatter, Alice and the Duchess. Characters that would stay with her forever even if they weren't really there.

Starting to cry softly, McMorbid leaned back into their hugs and was once more enveloped into darkness.

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Woohoo.

That is how I feel sometimes when I'm writing, to be truthful. Most of this story if factual. ;D But don't worry. I won't go insane.


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